Meet The Bonk!

Hi it's the scout with Bonk Energy Drink.
You'll say bonk everytime you gulp down this drink.
...
This is for the Heavy. The Sentry Gun. The Soldier.
The Bonk contains 20 times its weight in radioactivity.
It just does the work. Why would you want to work twice as hard?
Doesn't hit (shows Scout dodging Natascha). Why do you wanna do the work?
...
Made by the engineer. You know the engineer always makes good stuff.
You can gulp them down, run through sentries, cap points with the other one, use one to get to the cart.
...
Here's some fire ([color=red]piero[/color] burns spy). Not only is there gonna be damage to the spy, but there's your flames, that's gonna burn.
Now we're gonna do this in real time. Drink it down, run around and bat, 50% of his health is gone, right there. Ya followin' me camera guy? The other 50%, use the Force-o-nature.
Virtually dead in a second.

Bonk Energy Drink, you'll be saying BONK!! every time.

Insert user testimonials from Heavy, Spy, etc. etc.

*Scout takes out pistol* This lasts 5 seconds, *then takes out drink* this lasts forever. I dunno, it sells itself.


Bonk Energy Drink sells for $19.99. You get one for the Heavy, one for the Soldier, and two for the Sentry Gun.

But if you call now within the next 20 minutes, 'cause we can't do this all day, you get the second set absolutely free. So that's 8 Bonk Energy Drinks for $19.99.

Comes with a 10 life warranty. Here's how to order.

Hey, do you wanna feel so energetic? Try Bonk Energy Drink. Energy drinks for people who need gratuitous amounts of speed. With all new flavors like Atomic Punch. Atomic energy, it’s like adding radioactivity to an electrical storm. Sound the alarm, you’re gonna be contesting the control point.
What’s that? You want cherry? Well how about Cherry Fissure? Made with isotopes, real isotopes. CTF maps (aaahhhhhh!). You’ll be good at them. It’s an atomic energy drink for scouts. Scoutomic. These aren’t the Heavy’s puns, these are scout puns. Turbopuns.
Science, energy, science, energy, electrolyes, turbolytes, powerlytes, more lights than your server has room for. You’ll be so fast, Mr. Nineteen will be like, “Sloooooowwww dooowwwwnn.” And you’ll be like, “Fuck you!” and shoot her in the face with your energy gun.
You’ll have so much energy, energy (aaaahhhhh!) just running all the time. Power running, power capping, power batting, power jumping, power shooting, power taunting, power spawning bots. You’ll have so many bots. 400 bots.
Give Atomic Punch to your bots and they’ll be good at capping. Make your bots run abnormally fast. They’ll run as fast as niggers. People will watch them running and think they’re niggers. They’ll race as fast as niggers, in a race with actual niggers, and it’ll be a tie, and they’ll get deported back to Nigeria.
Hey, go with the sure thing. Don’t gamble on your secondary slot (snake eyes!). Try Bonk Energy Drink, the energy that will make you (aaahhh!) caps(aaahhh!).

Funny how somebody on gamefaqs posted almost the exact same thing... =p

Oh yeah I copied this from Fighting Amphibians.