THE SHITNESS OF SOME GAMES!!!

now i dont know about you but i think that COD 5 one of later games to come out is well
A BIT FUCKING SHIT, WTF WERE THEY THINKING
now there isnt much problem with single player or zombie mode
OTHER THAN THE ALIEN BLASTER WTF IS THAT DOING IN THERE
but the biggest problem is multiplayer
WHICH IS EXACTLY LIKE COD 4
now lets start with basic balance problems

the knifing system
i recently found out that in a knife fight if two peoples hit each other with in 0.5 seconds then first player wins against 2nd, 3rd and 4th player
2nd player wins against 3rd and 4th
3rd wins against 4th
and 4th players just gets a thorough ass raping
it is also the same on live whoever is the laggest player gets ass raped
which although they deserve it for a shitty connection it doesnt excuse the fact that its unfair

now to tear gas
you kindly get this shit thrown to you and your screens goes to a screen similar to being drugged on gmod
and yet when the guy who throws it walks into the gas it doesnt do anything to him
DESPITE HIM NOT HAVING A GAS MASK

now dogs
it would be ok if there were 3 of them or something like that
BUT 10 WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT
and they kill you in two hits i start to wonder wtf is the point
you can shoot one and stab two at most before ur stab reloads when u get bitten u try to stab miss and die
i also understand the concept of the dogs sniffing u out but first they have to have a trail to follow
THE FUCKING STUPID AI IMMEDIATLEY LOCK ONTO UR POSITION AND BITE U IN THE ASS

the recoil system
for rifles (the main weapen on the game) its fucking stupid
you fire one round and you practicully look at the sky
and with submachine guns and heavy machine guns
ONE THEY KILL YOU IN ONE HIT
AND TWO THEY PRETTY MUCH HAVE NO RECOIL
THIS IS 1940S THE WEAPENS ARENT BUILT FOR ACCURACY

plz add if i missed how shit this game is

I've made up my mind and will review one or two or maybe even three shitty games every week.

So for this week i thought i'd talk about that hugely antcipated game which came out last year, Crysis.
Now Crysis was made by a German company so i thought it was worth a look at so i took a look at some of the trailers.
All in all i was extreamly impressed and deceided to buy the game!!!
The sensation i felt while playing the game was similar to getting crapped on by a horse; i felt i'd been conned and frankly, i wanted my money back.
When you first go into Crysis you see the trailer and can't wait to play, their are some cinematic scenes and you find yourself falling onto a island, you open your parachut and it gets ripped apart. ooo what could have done that.
So now your hurtling towards rocks at a alarming rate, the distance between the water and the rocks is about a meter, you hit the water take a little damage; but wait a magic suit saves you.
I had one main thing to say about the game at that point WHY THE FUCK DIDNT I DIE, A MALFUCTURED NANOSUIT WOULD NOT SAVE YOU.
Ok so you go through a small tutorial like level before meeting with a few korean friends, i wanted to test the fabled AI system so i moved stealthily and they didnt see me; i thought it was going well so i deceided to walk right up to them, no response; i moved infront of the korean and guess what HE WALKED STRAIGHT FUCKING PASSED ME. Second problem.
My hopes for this game were still high so i decided to attack the korean, first and second bullet were dodged wtf?
the bullets travel at ruffly 500 m/s how the fuck can you dodge two of them. Angry now i pumped some bullets at him; 5, 10, 15 finally he fucking dies, but what was worse was that his friend was just ingnoring me.
Extreamly disheartened i trudge though the game noticing all kinds of balancing problems and general shiteness

so to start on a positive

The game is truly beautiful, somewhere you would want to go on holiday.
The graphics are unrivled and the gameplay isn't all that bad.
Customizable armoury is also a strong point
The destruction engine is quite good as well.

HOWEVER...

Balancing issues and general gameplay problems

The Ai are simply dumb fucks, comparible with some members of PCJ, not looking at 19 at all...
The damage done from bullets is minimal, grenades sometimes have no effect and wacking people with your gun seems to kill within 3 hits and it also sends you foe a good 5 feet into the air.
Explosives are badly done and even at a distance mess up your HUD.
Sniper rifles leave a fucking trail.
Trees can be knocked down mearly by melleing it. Trees which also fall on your head do no damage.
You can be run over but again the damage is minimal.

The pussy suit

This was my main problem about the game.
While in armour mode you become immortal, nothing can get at you, you can be shot by tanks, alien blasts, countless bullets its doesnt really matter.
This led me to assume that the guy you play as is just a pussy. So afraid of being wounded that he had to have a special god suit.
If the suit were in anyother game i would call it a cheat.

Another issue i have is the other powers on the suit
Speed - WOAH WHERE THE FUCK AM I GOING kinda fast
Strength - hmm lets take down a tree with my fists...
Another big issue i have stength allows you to take down pretty much anything, destroying bulding to upturning tanks its all rather a bit silly
And fianally cloaking
this ties in a bit with dumb Ai, you can walk into them, rape them you name it they wont reaslise its you
one thing im glad about is that its runs out extreamly fast bit like spys cloaking except no picking up ammo to refuel

The Story

Now lets see here i'm a soldier working for the american black ops devison in a billion $ suit which makes me a god.
Aliens just seem to pop out of the ground at a alarming rate.
A whole mountain becomes a massive alien structure.
Korean god suits are nothing in comparisson you yours and dont really do anything.
On one of the levels you are inside of the Alien complex and its a fucking maze, no way in or out really its just silly.
I litterely spent about 10 hours trying to find a fucking way out of that stupid level only to have to escort a black dumbass from a fire source to a fire source other wise he would freeze.
If it were really me id just leave the guy to freeze.
And somehow all the freezing is contained within a ever exanding field which when nukes are fired at it expands at a alarming rate.
The whole game seems rushed and badly thought out

The Multiplayer

This is basiclly non-existant because it is so shit.
Everyone is armed with a pussy suit and so NO ONE FUCKING DIES.
You can buy lovely alien weapons if you really want but one problem...
THERE IS LIKE A YEAR DELAY FROM CLICKING THE BUTTON TO FIREING.
And this sometimes can be the difference between life and death.
The game modes are just capture the point in disguise with the winning team getting access to upgrades.
Honour in battle is non-existant at the best of times.
And every fucking motherfucker who plays the game is 100% serious
You'd think you were playing on a xbox.

All in all i think that the game is a huge disppointment, maybe its the fact it was made by zie Germans or maybe because it was sponsered by a bunch of rushing fags known as EA.
With Cod 5 i'd at least advise you to get teh game for the singleplayer and possibly zombie.
But this... this has nothing going for it. It is also a fairly closed script so true decent mods are non-existant as well.
So there is no way of balancing and improving things like there are for fallout 3.
Shame such a Shame...

1073 words jesus h christ that was a rage and a half
Again please add if i missed anything and also like me post your view on shitty games

To clarify: TL;DR.

Why the hell do you keep saying that?
would you like me to cut it down into small mouthful chuncks so you can digest it properly?
i truly understand why amercians are incapable of reading more than 50 words in one go

I think the correct thing to say would be that WE REALLY DON'T GIVE A SHIT.

there we go thats all you had to say

That British Bastard wrote:

Why the hell do you keep saying that?
would you like me to cut it down into small mouthful chuncks so you can digest it properly?
i truly understand why amercians are incapable of reading more than 50 words in one go

Well I for one read through your review, which is nice to know i shouldn't ever waste money on this game (not that i could even afford it or a computer good enough to run it) and sorry to say but there were quite a few mistakes so i didn't understand a couple of the sentences.

I personally just don't see the point of erecting a wall of text to show your anger at a video game, much less have others read it. If we were interested in the quality of this game, we would check reviews and forums and whatnot. It would have accomplished the same thing if you just told us, "Dude, this game sucks, don't buy it."

But that's just my take on it, I'm sorry if I seem overly dismissive of your work. If you feel better raging about the game, it's fine by me. "To each, his own," as they say.

.. I read it.
I laughed.
But no..

We all know Crysis is bad.
Not a secret.

okedoke ill stop then; just thought it would be some fun for me and informative for you guys and gals, obviously i was wrong

Obviously.

none of the guns sound like a real gun in CoD 5, it was quite PISSY!

You should play a game you computer can actually handle, let me introduce you to solitaire.








Oh wait, no, I guess you will have to stick with the native games from your era - ball and paddle anyone?

Sollltarrr? Man look dumb with funny mustache

My personal recommendation Burger Time

Like Good Burger without the minorities

Commander Keen, fuck yeah!

That British Bastard wrote:

MALFUCTURED

Your argument is invalid.

That British Bastard wrote:

okedoke ill stop then; just thought it would be some fun for me and informative for you guys and gals, obviously i was wrong

Fun is writing 1073 words on a rage? hell, if it was a tutorial on something, fine, but for rage....meh?

oooo, u british people and ur love for writing

Alondaar wrote:

none of the guns sound like a real gun in CoD 5, it was quite PISSY!

and yeah, it basically felt like CoD 4 TERRIBLY reskinned

Nô_ôdels wrote:

and yeah, it basically felt like CoD 4 TERRIBLY reskinned

...

...You do know it uses the same engine as CoD4 right...? 0_o

Zuan wrote:

Nô_ôdels wrote:

and yeah, it basically felt like CoD 4 TERRIBLY reskinned

...

...You do know it uses the same engine as CoD4 right...? 0_o

ya